New Years Resolutions: Not Off to a Good Start

 Posted by on Jan 4, 2014 at 10:29 AM
Jan 042014
 
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New Years Resolutions: Not off to a good Start

by Tammy Francis

Every year most of us make New Years resolutions. Most of my New Years revolutions revolve around eating better, exercising more, and being more organized. Here’s a fun little short story about my struggles with my recent New Years Resolutions to eat better and shed some weight.

Kids looking at candy 1940s

The Sugar Battle

Next to my desk a saboteur awaits. At first his taunts were barely audible. In fact, I thought I was imaging them. But then a coworker entered my placid field. She took the saboteur in hand and shook him carelessly. His guts flew across the bordering counter. Little chunks of individually wrapped chocolates and clear clothed gems of every color affronted my senses. The veiled stench of sugar saturated my small cubicle.

The coworker extricated one of the lumps from its encasement. Instinctively, I stole a whiff and was swept away on a boat of carved sugar adrift an ocean of fudge. The wrapper whispered promises that made my mouth water testing my New Years Resolutions resolve.

Now when I arrive for my day I know he is talking to me. The candy jar no longer mumbles unclear words. He talks loudly like a drunken frat boy after a winning game.

“Good Morning Tammy, Eat me!” he commands.

I ignore, lest I encourage him. I roll my eyes at his childish prattle.

“Just one little bite. I’m a good way to start the day,” he says.

1940s candy rolling on the attack“NO! I’m not listening,” I affirm. I have strong resolve in the morning, no hunger or weakness. His empty promises mean nothing to me. While I type and answer phones he sings little songs, songs of desire, of increased energy of satisfaction. I will not be swayed. I turn my back on him, and increase the volume on the ringer.

“Eat me, eeeeeeeat me,” he says seductively in a Ricardo Montalban accent. Oh no, I’m a sucker for accents. My right hand reaches out to him, but my left slaps it down. I recompose myself and return to my work.

Later, while walking from the file room he tries to trip me, stretching out a tentacled taunt. He winks at me with a dozen dreamy eyes. I barely escape.

I make it to lunch and eat my sensible meal, my foothold found on solid ground. My calories tallied, I congratulate myself on my determination to avoid fattening, empty caloric foods. I am sticking to my resolution. I take a deep breath and settle into my afternoon routine. Hours or minutes go by; its hard to tell with the repetitiveness of my day. What I do know is the candy jar starts screaming at the top of his lungs.

“EAT ME! EAT ME! EAT ME!”

I put my hands over my ears and swallow air like a catfish pulled to the deck. I do not want my nose to get one scent of this.

He tries reasoning with me using his sexy accent, “You want me, you need me, you had onions today on your tuna salad. Come on, eat me. Just one little bite.”

I gulp water, make tea, (taken black of course, no cream or sugar). I pound furiously on my keyboard to drown out the words. It’s too quiet, he’s too close, he’s too tempting. In a moment of weakness my eyes peek to my left. My head slowly turns. I see his sparkling innards, I hear his jolly cajoling. I smell the faint fragrance of sugar. My tongue slithers out from my mouth. I lick my lips.

1940s girl eating candyThe battle is lost.

I grab the jar. Wrench off the lid. Plunge in my fingers; index and middle like pincers and extract a pink rectangle gem. My murderous hands tear at its bindings. The crinkle of cellophane roars in my ears. I pop the confection into my waiting mouth. The fore-promised flavor doesn’t disappoint. I suck slowly, lovingly, letting the little enemy explore every part of my oral cavity.

It lasts a good ten minutes.

In my humiliating defeat, I log onto Calorie Counter to find out just how many calories the little demon possesses.

Twenty-three? Twenty-three. Is that all?

Oh, he may have won the battle but the war has just begun.

::

I thought it would be fun to personify the candy jar next to my desk in my New years resolutions to eat better. Do you have any stories of food defeating you, or you conquering a particular craving? Do you ever feel like food is your enemy? What are some of your New Year’s resolutions?

Tam Francis, authorTam Francis is writer, blogger, swing dance teacher, avid vintage collector, and seamstress. She  shares her love of this genre through her novels, blog, and short stories. She enjoys hearing from you, sharing ideas, forging friendships, and exchanging guest blogs. For all the Girl in the Jitterbug Dress news, give-aways, events, and excitement, make sure to join her list and like her FB page! Join my list ~ Facebook page

 

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  4 Responses to “New Years Resolutions: Not Off to a Good Start”

Comments (4)
  1. I ate a whole bag of Hershey’s candy- covered almonds the other day (not the first time). Nothing stops me, not even knowing that much candy makes me sick. I resolve to buy them no more!

    • I’m the same. I have to NOT buy them. I love those too. I just bought a bag of dark chocolate covered almonds and almost ate the whole thing. Saving some for work tomorrow. I shouldn’t be eating ANY! Thanks for sharing :)

  2. lol oh dear Tam!! Good luck defeating the beast!!!! My craving is KFC – it is NOT going to beat me!!!

    • Mmmmmm KFC! Not eating meat or gluten for a month to see how I “feel.” that might be one I’ll eat as a reward after this month. Now, I’m going to be thinking of fried chicken all day. LOL :)

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